Dating | Weddings

Hen and Stag Ideas

Stag and hen nights are increasingly more elaborate and expensive, so how do you choose the one that's right for you? Here's how to get them right - basically, photocopy this and give it to your maid of honour and best man.

Traditionally these evenings were for each of the couple to say goodbye to their old lives with their old friends. However, some couples nowadays do a joint weekend of stags and hens. Just make sure you head off in the right direction when you set the wheels in motion.

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

It's not easy to get the balance right, but do think about everyone you would potentially like to include. You may want a week in Ibiza clubbing and getting nice and brown, but is it affordable for everyone else? (Think time as well as money.) You also won't be able to expect your beloved great aunt Agnes to mix it up in a club all night on her walking frame. If you are sure you want to do something big, be prepared to accept gracefully if people can't come, and resist the temptation to apply emotional blackmail.

There are ways, however, to make the large-scale ideas more affordable, such as hiring a villa or country cottage, which can make a trip away seem much more affordable. When it comes to making the finances add up, your best man and chief bridesmaid should be charged with the organising.

GETTING THE RIGHT RIOT

Listen, best men and chief bridesmaids, your idea of the prefect stag/hen night might not be the same as your guest of honour's. The fact of the matter is that opposites attract, and that includes friends as well as lovers. So don't plan something that they will find offensive or dull. Most brides and grooms expect their good humour to be stretched, but don't go so far that you alienate them.

Think laterally when planning your do. Dragging a drunk and motley crew around the streets isn't the only option. For sports buffs, a trip to a match, the dogs or horseracing can all provide entertainment as well as the hospitality that your guests might be expecting. More active sports buffs should consider a round of golf or a day on the dry ski slopes, kayaking or a spot of surfing. For any novices, signing them up to a surf or ski school for the day should cater for their skills deficit and make sure they get something out of it. Make sure you plan this in advance so no on is left out. Those feeling brave can even take it one step further and try a spot of camping; just don't combine pitching your tent on a cliff and a lot of booze. Alternatively, you can do something entirely regenerating, like a whole day in a spa.

Any kind of activity that people can do together and gives a focus is ideal. Remember that you won't know everyone that your guest of honour does, so you may have to unify a fairly disparate group, including non-drinkers and older members of the party. Be sensitive when making plans. You can always start the evening with a nice dinner, which moves onto more raucous entertainment, so that people can bale out at different stages when they've had their fill.

HOW FAR IS TOO FAR

Shaving bits, leaving someone stuck in another country and buying them sex with strangers are probably all going a bit too far.

PLANNING: A GUIDE FOR YOUR BEST MAN AND CHIEF BRIDESMAID

Ask the bride and groom what they want, but remember that you don't necessarily have to stick to it. It will give you an idea if they expect everyone to head off for a week in Bali or just pop along to the local pub. You will also get an idea if they want their parents invited (some do, you know), and if there are any people you should be inviting that you don't know about, such as long-lost school friends. Make sure you get all the contact details in one go so you don't have to worry about bugging them and letting things slip. Agree on a date too, as they may have something else planned. Let all the invitees know the date as soon as possible, even if you haven't confirmed the activities. Make sure it's not the night before if you have anything huge planned - no one will thank you for wedding photographs that look like the happy couple have been dug up.

You will need to think about transport, and making sure everyone gets about safely. If you are partying abroad, ask your hotel to help. And let everyone get an idea of cost beforehand. The guest of honour shouldn't pay for anything so the others need to chip in for their share. If you have an itinerary, copy it and give to everyone in case you get lost. Have the requisite silly hats, plastic teeth and embarrassing outfits all ready before you take the first drink, or you may end up being lumbered with hundreds of penis shaped balloons in the kitchen drawer.

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