Dating | Weddings

Wedding Gift List

Getting married has some great perks (apart from a lifelong commitment from your soul mate, of course). One of them is the gift list.

Already got two of everything? Or do you want to upgrade to more expensive stuff but can't bring yourself to ask for that Italian glasswear? Make your gift list work for you.

Traditionally, guests gave the couple gifts to help them set up home. However, depending on your age, whether you already have your own home or if it's your second wedding, your needs will probably be different.

If you are living alone for the first time, then you need to cover all the basics from wooden spoons to linen. Rather than mercenary, gift lists are a good way of making sure that you don't end up with seven toasters and no cutlery. The way to make sure that your list is inclusive is to make sure you include everything from an egg timer right through to a DVD player. Make sure that you know exactly who gave you what, so that you can thank them. It is important that you should be able to tell your Aunt Phyllis when she pops over that you use her teapot every morning (unless she got you a garden swing).

You can get things for the house and still be a little adventurous. As it is a given that many couples often have the things that they need, most people are prepared to buy something a little different. You may ask people to make a contribution to a piece of art or a piece of furniture. You can even consider a trip: hot air ballooning or holiday, or even the honeymoon.

But, before you start visualising yourself climbing into your scuba suit, ask yourself if you really have everything. After all, couldn't some super-soft, huge waffle bath sheets replace those towels? And what about a full set of China that actually matches? This is an opportunity to select items you would never normally think to splash out on (like a proper dinner service, which can cost hundreds of pounds) that you will be able to enjoy for years to come. And your own kids will probably be more excited to be presented with a cherished family heirloom than a photo album of your diving trip in the Maldives.

Make sure that you do the list together, and go to the relevant department stores to choose things together. This should be one of the fun, relatively stress-free tasks in planning your wedding. And try to give each other a couple of free passes to choose something totally self-indulgent. Take a visit to some of the other departments in the stores; if you really have all the pots and pans you will ever need, what about a leather back gammon set or tennis racquets. (Then you can tell your guests that they bought you your six-pack.) A great investment, and a slightly more elegant approach than asking for cold cash, is to ask for donations towards a cellar of good wine. Guests can ring up and buy wines in multiples of bottles. If you are uncomfortable with asking for specifics, then you could consider using one of the wedding lists that allow you to redeem your gift values in vouchers. (However, you may have to deal with some disappointment from those who would prefer to see their gifts being part of your marital home.)

When choosing a list, you also need to check other details, such as how and when the store can deliver the gifts and if they can exchange unwanted items (or doubles). Make sure that the delivery is after your honeymoon so that your house is not full of unattended gifts. Some lists like to deliver before the wedding but make sure that it all works within your time frame.

SAY PLEASE WITH EASE

The easiest way to let your guests know that you have a wedding list is to include it in your invitations, on a separate card. You must make it clear that people know they can make their own choices of gifts. It might seem a little mercenary, but it is a lot less uncomfortable than making friends call and request the list - and it is now standard practice.

SAYING THANKS

It may seem old fashioned to write thank you cards, but it is essential if you want to make people feel special and appreciated. You may want a design printed that reflects the theme and style of the other wedding stationery.

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