Reading Body Language Signs

Die-hard romantics may want to look away now. Unless they really want to hook someone special.

Using a few tricks to get someone interested isn't just a cynical ploy. Real love will follow if it's right; this just gets you to the place to find out.

Look at me

What makes somebody feel attracted to one person rather than another? We all have a physical 'type' that we may respond to, but studies show that we also need to feel that we must have something in common with that person. This is why you might find people who dress similarly drawn to each other; there's an element of tribal recognition (yes, even amongst accountants). It makes us imagine that we may have shared values and interests. But there are also other ways that we are drawn together, too.

Mirroring

Mirroring is a technique that has been observed by psychologists in happy couples, in fact it seems to be essential to their happiness. They often finish each other's sentences or seem entirely in tune when performing tasks, such as cooking together or running the household schedule. The reason that couples feel so good together when this occurs is that both people feel that their needs and desires are being met and, most importantly, understood. The great news is that if you are looking to make an impact on someone, you can cheat this closeness and use it to get their attention. Good flirting uses this technique from the very start, in the form of sexy body language; touching your face if they touch theirs, leaning forward if they do. it seems to be a natural instinct that we can lose as relationships evolve and we get defensive. If you're feeling defensive in the first place, of course, you probably won't do this - so make a deliberate effort.

Here's an example. If you are attracted to someone at work and they are ranting away about the boss, leaning forward and bashing the table, then pulling back and leaning away from them would suggest that you feel dispassionate or detached from their experience, and make them feel uncomfortable or misunderstood. Not what you want to convey. Repeat back to them ideas or phrases that they use, or make comments such as 'I can understand why you feel frustrated' or 'I really sympathise with that'. This will make them feel as if you both share a common bond and world view, something essential to falling in love. Of course, we have all experienced the connection that turns out to be all surface and no content, but we are always drawn by that initial pull.

Drawing the line

There is a difference between mirroring someone's behaviour and becoming a strange, puppet-like version of them. You can still disagree with them and take a different stance on things, but it is a good way of allowing someone to feel understood before you get into that sticky place where you disagree (which we are all bound to do at times). Think of how frustrated you would be if you got home from an annoying afternoon shopping with your mum and your man was lying on the sofa flicking through a newspaper: you'd at least want him to put it to one side and sit upright so you'd feel like you were getting his attention. If you have been together for a little while, and feel that things quickly seem to jump to a state of friction between the two of you, then try getting back to a place of complicity by employing this technique.


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