Dating | Weddings

Dating Online

It's a big part of our life and here to stay - the internet has revolutionised the way that we deal with all our relationships.

The benefits of cyberdating are obvious.

You can be clear about your intention for looking for a partner without having to be coy; you are in a free and open environment in which to flirt and chat. There are hundreds of sites dedicated to finding people with similar interests and desires. You also have a degree of anonymity, which may make you feel more confident. You can chat away until you feel like you know you have enough in common with someone before you make a plan to meet them. Advocates of internet dating claim that the focus is on the dialogue rather than the physical, so relationships have a chance to start on more meaningful criteria. For those who have been out of the dating loop for a while, it can simply be a way of re-entering the fray, in a much less confrontational way, while they rebuild their confidence.

The downsides, though, are pretty obvious too. You don't know if you are really talking to a solvent, attractive architect of thirty-three with no kids who lives only five miles away, or a bored housewife in Oslo. You could also spend so long plonked in front of your laptop that you forget how to chat to normal people, so just make sure it's a tool in your armoury rather than your reason for living.

Painting a picture

If you find yourself a bit of blabberer on first dates, filling men in with every childhood disease before you even finish your pre-dinner drinks, then the internet offers you the chance to practice your editing skills. It's a great way to start thinking about your good points, about what you would like to project and which habits you need to break (apologising for your every move, for example). If it's not for you, say a polite thanks and move on. And if the worst comes to the worst and you can't get rid of someone, then that's what the delete button is for. But you could get carried away and post a picture of yourself taken at a time when you fitted those trousers you bought ten years ago and which are now in the back of your cupboard, kept as an act of optimism. The message here is clear: to attract someone interested in the real you, you have to be the real you, or you are setting yourself up for disaster before you begin. So be honest, and like any other type of dating, hope they are being honest too.

Keeping safe in cyberspace

However, all the best wishes in the world won't save you from some very real dangers. You need to follow a few rules to keep you safe; if people are legitimate they will understand and respect your need to protect yourself, and will not push for anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

If you are awkward with the turn that any conversation takes, put an end to it quickly. It's not unreasonable or stuffy to expect people to keep it clean or friendly, if that's what you are comfortable with (but at the same time, if your flirty side comes out this can be a safe way to explore it - if you keep yourself safe and protected).
Do not give your phone number, home or work address to people you don't know.
Make a date in a public place and let your friends know where you are and what you're doing. You can even ask a friend to wait with you until your date arrives and have the two meet.
Trust your instincts. If you don't feel comfortable, listen to that feeling and be prepared to end the date early.
Even if the date is a success, consider the wisdom of allowing the person to give you a lift home, or of giving out your number. A little caution could save a lot of heartache down the line, and if they are right for you, then taking things slowly won't be a deal-breaker.


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