Dating | Weddings

Long Term Relationship Advice

Prince Charming? Check. Hearts and flowers? Check. Relating to love songs on the radio? Check. Feel-good, mushy stuff? Check.

It all looks like it could be real thing, but does it add up to it?

What is this stuff you humans call love?

So, imagine this, you find an alien in your wardrobe and you are giving him a crash course on Planet Earth. How would you explain that strange and wonderful thing called love? Firstly, you might say that two individuals get drawn to each other; discover they have some things in common, some not; like to spend time together and then throw some happiness and desire into the mix for good measure. If things go well, it develops into being in love. At this point the alien might confuse it with madness.

When you are in love you think about the other person all the time, worry that they will never call you again, imagine that they are the funniest and smartest individual that ever lived. Then when real love rolls around - a less heady chemical mix but making up for it in substance - you start thinking long term, become willing to change your whole life to have more of the other person in it, and want the best for them and their well-being: to the point where yours depends upon it too.

But are we there yet?

But of course, you might have the L word teetering on your lips but what to know if it's reciprocated before you blurt it out. Wise move, as saying it too early can squash a burgeoning relationship and make someone pull away. A few little checks will see if you have made it to the number one priority slot. (Don't worry, your prospect doesn't have to have achieved all of them.)

It's more than likely if the other person:

Expects you to spend weekends together
Runs plans by you for approval
Wants you to meet his mum, dad, extended family, cat, fish, hamster.
Assumes you will be spending your holidays together
Remembers your favourite chocolate treat and brings one back with the Sunday papers
Is willing to go out and get the Sunday papers
Buys you gifts, in the right size
Wants to treat you to nice dinners or save you cooking by arriving with a takeaway
Will give you a foot rub and not always expect sex in return
Will run you a bath when he knows you've had a hard day
Knows if you are 'dieting' (don't mention the crisps you wolfed down)
Will negotiate on what film to see
Lets you choose the side of the bed you want
Is your best friend
Invites you to a close friend's summer wedding, and it's only December
Comes across town to look after you when you are ill and will find an all-night chemist
Sleeps better with you than apart
Will talk finances without embarrassment and you know what he earns
Saves things to tell you when he next sees you
Gives you space in his bathroom cabinet
Picks you up from the airport
Doesn't care that Valentine's Day has gone all commercial but does something anyway
Goes shopping with you for an important dress (but never make anyone do this too often; it's a giant favour.)
Doesn't look terrified when you talk about something happening in a year or two
Thinks you are most beautiful when you are wearing no make-up.

If someone says things like 'I think I'm falling for you' or 'I love the way you do that', they are making a soft space for your major 'L' word to land. If they are the kind of person for whom ordering a drink is stressful, then maybe they will feel overwhelmed and expect you to produce a ring as soon as you say it; don't expect someone to be up to your speed. If you don't know someone well enough to gauge whether or not saying 'I love you' is their equivalent of picking baby names then you probably aren't ready to move to that stage anyway.

Don't say it if you are feeling needy or unsure about how they feel. If they don't reciprocate (yet) they could think you are a stalker, and if they do, you could find yourself having taken things to a level you didn't intend when, frankly, you were just fishing. Be prepared for a silence, laugh or amazement; just be proud of being open and wait - easy to say but so hard to do! But this is not tit for tat; the only 'I love you' worth having is one given freely. Try and take the pressure off you both.


Custom Search