Dating | Weddings

How to End a Relationship

Sometimes it just isn't there. You have pushed, prodded and tried to shoehorn this person into a relationship, but it just isn't going to work.

So you need to grab the bull by the horns (or rather let go of it) and move on. And there is a right and a wrong way to do it.

Getting it right lets both of you move on with dignity and calm, but getting it wrong can leave you both licking your wounds and making voodoo dolls for months, if not years, to come.

How to split up with a good one

Oh, if only it was possible to flip the X factor like a light switch. Sometimes it just doesn't work and you've got to cut a nice guy loose. The best way to deal with men like this is face to face and showing them the respect they deserve, even if it makes things a little harder for you. That way they, and you, can rest assured that you did the dignified thing. But once you are sitting opposite, what do you say?

Don't lie. Making up a dead aunt or work stress is unfair. If they have done right by you don't slope off under the cover of a fib; they will probably be able to tell and worry about what else you have lied to them about.
Be as honest as you can be. If the spark is just missing, tell them that. It's not uncommon for lots of things to be right but one thing to be wrong and you can even commiserate with them; chances are if you aren't feeling it, they won't be either.
Don't suggest it might happen further down the line. If they really like you they will keep hanging in there waiting for you to change your mind, which is stopping them from finding someone else. No matter how reassuring for you it would be to have a nice guy waiting in the wings in case you don't find Mr Right, it's wrong, wrong, wrong.
Answer any questions with the best framing possible. When people are upset they may level a lot of hurt questions at you; try not to respond in kind. If they ask if it was because you didn't like their knobbly chicken legs, don't start clucking. You can simply say you didn't feel a sexual chemistry; after all, one woman's chicken legs are another woman's lean, athletic pins. There is no point in dashing his confidence. At the same time, if his fifteen phone calls a day did irritate you, you could let him know. It might stop him from making the same mistake again.
Balance criticism with positivity. If you are going to mention the fifteen calls a day, then make sure that you let him know that while being was attentive was great, it could be moderated (not stopped). You don't want to release him onto an unsuspecting female population imagining that the best way to take things forward is never to pick up the phone.
Don't use them for ex sex. What for you is just a convenient lay, might keep their hurt alive and erode their confidence, whilst fostering false hope.
Don't tell them how they feel. You have had time to get used to the idea; it's news to them and they may feel disappointed or that you had more potential.
Stick to your guns. Just because they think you still have something between you if you really haven't, keep reminding them that you don't think that it's the case. You will only have to go through this again further down the line. And do you really want people lying in bed at night trying to interpret what you said? Heartless!
Try not to get defensive. If they start blaming you, keep calm and don't blame them back. They will start brooding on what you have said when the dust has settled and may find it hard to let it go.

How to split up with a bad one

Well, I'm showing my dark side here, but who cares? If someone has been mean or destructive towards you, they are not entitled to any respect in return. The problem is that sometimes our judgement gets a little bit clouded. I suggest that if you aren't sure, just keep it short and sweet. If they are real meanies, and have left you hanging on for phone calls/stood you up/left you dying of thirst in a desert, try some of the silent treatment back. A few days in dating no-man's-land waiting for the phone to ring might teach these men a few lessons about empathy. And if they hate you for it, who cares? Save your good stuff for those who deserve it.


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