Water Skiing

Back when Santa Monica 's Muscle Beach was establishing itself as the focus of fitness there used to be a lady called Paula Boelsems who made her living showing her waterskiing elephant. Amusing and harmless, you might think, except that ever since it has been used by waterski savvy 'mates' to taunt those of us whose principal sporting talent consists of falling off things. 'How hard can it be?' they chorus. 'You only have to stand up, and besides, an elephant can do it.'

So you end up agreeing to having a go. You don the gear, buckle up the flotation vest and get ready, all the time thinking 'all I have to do is stand up, all I have to do is stand up'. Then the driver guns the engine, the motorboat roars off and you take a short flight, overtaking your skis and nosediving into the water, hopefully losing the rope in the process. otherwise you're about to look like an extra from a watery version of Ben Hur as you get dragged, hurtling and howling, through the spray.

What you've probably done is focus so hard on the idea of standing up that you've tried to get upright by means of your own muscles. After all, that's what you've been doing ever since you were a toddler so it's a hard habit to break. Well, don't. You've paid to be hitched up to a high-speed motorboat so let it do all the work of getting you upright - leaving your own muscles free to concentrate on maintaining your body position. When you're in the water keep the knees bent but strong, and likewise brace your arms but don't lock out the elbows. The reason is that your limbs need that little bit of elasticity to deal with the forces coming their way and locked legs and arms give you no flexibility. As the boat pulls, let the planing motion of the skis be the force that lifts you out of the water. Don't even think about standing up, just concentrate on keeping your legs strong and bent. Oh sure, you may not look overly elegant: in fact, with your bottom sticking out one way, your body hunched over and your forehead furrowed in concentration you will look like a Neanderthal that has accidentally harpooned something way too big to handle - but at least you won't be nosediving. The truth is that standing up is something you can safely leave until you are well and truly out of the water and riding high.

At the same time keep a grip on the handle but resist the desire to pull it towards you. Pull on the rope and you are engaged in a tug of war with a roaring speedboat. Instead keep your shoulders right back, push your chest out forward and keep your arms strong so that the rope isn't yanked out of your hands as the boat moves off. Having locked elbows makes it easier for the rope to break your grip so keep your elbows flexed but flexible. Remember that if you do let go of the rope it will go pinging off straight at your mates in the boat which may make them think twice about coming back to give you another go. If your legs aren't strong and tensed then you will simply be pulled over forwards which means you are going to nosedive. Remember the tug of war and get ready to take the strain.

When you're up you will probably just be happy to stay there and feel the rush of skimming over the water's surface. Which is what it's all about, after all. Do try, however, to get used to a little bumpy stuff by going over the wake of the boat. You can't avoid it forever and your driver may give you no option anyway, maybe turning to avoid hitting objects or running out of water. Keep those legs and arms flexed but flexible and you'll overcome that feeling of driving over a ploughed field.


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